Mess Saigon

And here's the song looping in my head upon leaving Ho Chi Minh en route to Phnom Penh:

I'm Hungry, Therefore I'm Ugly

In one of those rare instances when I actually find idle gaps and manage to sit down in front of the idiot box, I punch the clicker southwards of the channel menu with a partial nervous twitch.

I mention this because when I say southwards of the channel menu I mean local channels. Now before you jump into accusations of elitism and fire off an angry, flaming remark in the comments section, may I remind you that I grew up during the '80s, which means, for my generation, cable is not a television subscription service but a wire connected to an antenna that someone has to keep on rotating to get better screen reception. Don't laugh, this is serious business and woe is the man who will be forced to climb up the rooftop to shake the antenna when the screen goes all zigzaggy during a crucial third quarter of a basketball game, the particularly tense scene in Regal Shocker, or for some people, the Q&A segment of a Ms. Universe coverage.

The point of all this is: I have a particular affinity for local programming. Until this past decade when television  stepped on the banana peel of "masa" ratings war, slid off into the mediocre ditch and was unable to get up.

So you must understand the neurotic anxiety of clicking into a random local channel and beholding, say, Daniel Padilla singing, hellbent into making music obsolete.Or having your lunch soundtracked by aimless banter, over-recycled jokes and a menagerie of unbelievably untalented starlets in tacky cocktail outfits being serenaded by matinee idols who sound like they are in the middle of a massive hiccup and about to throw up undigested squirrels they had for lunch.

I exaggerate.

And if you thought that you have descended into the abyss given the sorry state of local programming, the advertising will confirm your suspicion that Hell has no basement. Majority of local advertising are flickering proofs that Hell is a bottomless well.

I exaggerate. Or am I?

So I cheer a little bit every time I wander into the gates of hell and beheld this ad:



The first time I saw this work my auto-enthusiastic exclamation was monosyllabic: "WOW!"

It's a very classy, sophisticated piece of work. Spiced with double entendre and sexy innuendos, the rich visuals and that sparkly-sexy-moody music delivers the message across smartly with panache, puns and pitch. Work of this caliber is to be encouraged - it's a testament to the brilliance of its creators and the courage of the client who refuses to give in to the least common denominator school of ad-making.

Then this humorous piece came later on:



Again, a hilarious take on most Filipinos' habit of making 'kupit' if he can get away with it. The punch line is a direct pun. Good job!

Just when those two ads seem to be a fluke - random bright sparks in the sea of triteness, I encountered this one:



It stops just right from tipping towards saccharine cheesiness and charms your socks off with its unapologetic, sheer optimism!

Just when every smart viewer was deeply convinced that there is indeed a bright spot in local advertising, and that the client-agency relationship must be on perpetual honeymoon given all the client trust-creative output ratio, this ad just might change all that:



I was passing through my living room, rushing towards the bathroom when this spot hit the screen.

I froze on my tracks, chilled with disbelief.

My jaw hit the parquet with a comatose thud.

What is the message here?

Hunger results to ugliness and expensive meals make it doubly ugly. Get the value meals and as the chirpy girl cheerfully exhorts the viewer "Don't get hungry, don't get ugly."

Now people who know me will attest that I am one of those folks with the most warped sense of humor. Twisted things amuse me and I take every absurd situation with a pinch oh hilarity. Hey, I laugh at everyone in the same measure I laugh at my very own idiocy.

But P50 McSavers Meal #dontbepanget seems to be an exercise in lapsed, misfired judgement. I'm all for a good joke, for not steering everything into UptightTown.

However, try and look into the context of  the huge slice of the population and this ad will have a different flavor.

In a country bursting in the seams with people scraping barely to get out of the gaping poverty trench, I am not sure it is an appetizing proposition to tell all the hungry people that they are ugly.

That anyone without fifty bucks and suffering from starvation is hideous-looking.

The whole spot runs for thirty seconds but the cringing, unpleasant aftertaste stays with you all day.

Hoodlum Humor

Esquire UK initiated me to the riotously sick comic world of Dagsson a long time ago and his insane sense of humor can hook you like an asteroid to a black hole.

In that illustrious magazine's twisted cartoon a stick figure woman was extending her hand to another stick figure man. The woman’s quote balloon says: “How do you do?” and the charming man say “I was masturbating.”

Obviously this is not Sunday school catechism material.

Do The Pressure

Publicity put it that the strategy behind this Coke ad is to highlight how unique people handle massive pressures differently and here illustrated two minutes between sets of what appears to be a rapturous gig and the spectacular Duffy biked her way through a supermarket singing with her trademark raspy version of the Sammy Davis Jr. classic I Gotta Be Me. This speaks directly to me and I'd love to follow suit (and finally buy a bike) and plow my way through the downstairs Seven Eleven franchise.

I'd probably get apprehended and detained.

Speaking of pressure, isn't this another gorgeous version of the Queen classic?

Apartomatic

Great credentials (mother, wes anderson, roman coppola), achingly fantastic art direction, wit and sophistication. neat, stella artois! this will be a great flat to have!

In Flight Entertainment Is No Longer Limited To Winning Merchandise

Aviation need not be a stuffy sector and innovation is most welcome but I was speechless at Cebu Pacific’s latest “innovation.”

I am no prig, but this makes my molars grind in disbelief. Flight attendants are beacons of dignity: you have to respect them as authoritative frontliners with impeccable manners, polished behaviours and unshakeable air of graciousness and pride of her job. This is supposed to be fun for Cebu pacific but I hit the replay button in hope that the “fun-ness” of it will win me over with repeated viewing (sometimes things just grow on you) but I still have that sinking feeling of disappointment. I fly Cebu Pacific all the time and Fun Games is cool but this stunt robs the hardworking flight attendant a sense of nobility. Aviation is not a chorus line for Wowowee, Eat Bulaga or Showtime. There is a need for us to trust and respect the men and women who ensure our well being thousands of miles above the ground. It is humbling enough to serve every whim of people much lesser than you are; it’s demeaning when your safety precaution measures/message is drowned by ghoulish pop tune and bad choreography.

Passengers should pay attention to instructions, not swaying hips and jiggly boobs.

Floored

Precisely what came to mind, this particular episode/song from Across the Universe, when I suddenly remembered you.

Page Fetish

Rescuer of Makati pusakals slash Dutch lensman Mark Mulder messaged me straight from Amsterdam a couple of weeks ago. His earthshaking question via SMS centred on my favourite fixation: what kind of magazines do I want for him to bring back to Manila? Friends would know that the question is like asking whether I prefer crack or heroin. My thumb automatically zipped through my phone’s keyboard spelling out a hard to get title. Mr. Mulder however surprised me by adding these two titles in his pasalubong bag. I have back issues of Sleek Magazine and I welcome into my ever expanding collection of print fetish the edgy Blend\ Magazine. Thank you very much Mr. Mulder and Marvie for lugging the titles all the way from Netherlands! (See you on your housewarming!)

Excuse me while I inhale fresh ink and fondle gorgeous paper.

Itai! *

Flying back to Manila I was gripped with sudden hunger while waiting for the evening flight. I decided to sample the offerings of a nearby café/stall inside the airport. My curiosity peaked when I beheld am Italian-looking dish called “Tokyo Surprise.” It’s spaghetti with cream sauce and other ingredients that are not sharing the orbit of anything Japanese. Naturally I had to have it. I lunged a forkful into my naive mouth and got the answer to the Tokyo Surprise promise: The pseudo-Japanese dish is served in temperature approximate to that of the center of the sun! The instant image that flashed in my head as I hysterically grabbed a glass of water is the circular core of the flag of Japan! Tokyo “Surprise” indeed!

* Itai! - Ouch in Japanese

Literacy Unplugged

Gloomy Gussies who anticipate the death of print with much glee I have indisputable proof that magazines and books are still irreplaceable and it looks like this:

Welcome to the future where literacy is dependent on battery.